I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
