well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
