god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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