I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
