What a fucking waste of an outfit
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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