girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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