is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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