I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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