Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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