Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
