Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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