I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
