Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
