ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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