Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
