Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
