She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
