Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
