Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
