a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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