Don't you send me to vm
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
