Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
