I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
