I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
