A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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