Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
