This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
