a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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