I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
