Heybabeimwearingurpanties
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
