I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
