He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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