I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
