i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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