Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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