oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
