Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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