You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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