I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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