If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
