Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
