in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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