i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
