awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
