If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
