I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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