Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
