I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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