you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
