My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
