This girl is more easily done than said...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
