My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
