and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
