I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
