I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
