she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
