So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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