i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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