I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
