mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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