do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost the right to judge tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
