ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's JV to your varsity
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
