there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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