Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
