I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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