Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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