My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am midnight drunk by noon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
