i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
