Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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