Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
