you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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